I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
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True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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