Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We are two peas in an std pod
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize