You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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