you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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