Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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