I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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