We named our party play list daddy issues
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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