It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
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New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
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Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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