I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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