never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we're so committed to being not committed
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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