she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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