we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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