Cold hands, warm shart.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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