Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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