You surviving the open bar?
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His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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