giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
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i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
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I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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