pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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