Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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