remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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