dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
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fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
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My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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