Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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