i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
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Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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