i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
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Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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