the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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