...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
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They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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