I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
did i just pee glitter
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize