Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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