some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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