it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize