im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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