guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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