that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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