If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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