If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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