I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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