I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize