Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize