I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
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Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
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She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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