she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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