Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
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Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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