Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move

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(617): Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move http://tfl.nu/h692

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.

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(612): Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too. http://tfl.nu/msn4

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.

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(+44): So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors. http://tfl.nu/2asp

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(616): View more from Michigan

bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store

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(616): bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store http://tfl.nu/dcxn

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(713): View more from Texas

It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog

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(713): It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog http://tfl.nu/4hna

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(440): View more from Ohio

WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!

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(440): WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?! http://tfl.nu/lphy

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(563): View more from Iowa

at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.

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(563): at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck. http://tfl.nu/kym8

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(813): View more from Florida

I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.

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(813): I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked. http://tfl.nu/aika

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(714): View more from California

I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.

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(714): I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later. http://tfl.nu/riev

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(913): View more from Kansas

Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays

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(913): Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays http://tfl.nu/wo2m

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(519): View more from Ontario

he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him

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(519): he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him http://tfl.nu/dkoo

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(612): View more from Minnesota

CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.

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(612): CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me. http://tfl.nu/rba5

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(804): View more from Virginia

and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.

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(804): and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start. http://tfl.nu/94bc

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(845): View more from New York

On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.

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(845): On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though. http://tfl.nu/8a05

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(406): View more from Montana

Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me

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(406): Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me http://tfl.nu/g324

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