apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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