You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
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So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
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you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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