I hope my margaritas pass through security.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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