The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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