i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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