i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
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We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
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No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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