Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
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i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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