dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
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oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
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They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
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