I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize