There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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